The masterpiece......I always wanted to create...

The masterpiece......I always wanted to create one.I have never succeeded neither have I tried for the quest for creating my Masterpiece very seriously till recently.But I think that this masterpiece thing is going to elude me in years to come.Still,I think I should not stop my persuit for the masterpiece.In fact, this is the only force that can drive me towards my goal.If I have to reach my destination ,I will have to chase my dreams.
This masterpiece thing,I thought was not made for a guy like me.

I had similar feeling inside me about "Love" too.
I don't know whether these two are related or not.
Leave apart the liking thing,who would ever want to talk to a person like me..
...not so cheerful..
...good looking?even Zombie would look better..
.... charming?are u joking.
..Funny?absolutely no no..
and..Serious..like the hell as if returned from a war ravaged country and ready to go there again and without a good sense of dressing too.
Well ,I am used to it.
The master piece thing gave me similar experience.It is hard to believe I would be able to even start it.And even if by grace of almighty ,I succeed in whatever little I create...I can't think it to be even thousand millionth part of the masterpiece.Once my friend asked me about my definition of The masterpiece.I told him
my version 
"the master piece is that creation which besides being perfect in all aspects of the criteria laid for it and always occupies the highest place and occupying the whole place with nothing space left to any where near itself."
I wonder whether such entity exists or not but however...my mind was obsessed with it.But till now I had no Idea about the the future of my masterpiece.How will I reach to my beloved masterpiece.This was another hot question coming in between me and my masterpiece and without its downfall it seemed impossible to reach her.It seemed to be as difficult as to reach the bottom of Mariana trench.The more I was trying the more it was moving away,that too with double the previous velocity.
I was becoming more desperate.It began to appear in every object I saw,every place I went,every street I strolled,in the air I breathed.The rain I drenched in too, seemed to have its scent deeply to the core of its molecules.My quest was becoming stronger and stronger.I had this feeling of some nuclear fusion going on inside me ready to explode any time.
The Energy is good but an unfocussed and unguided energy is pure evil and can bring only destruction.
So I kept check on it.I tried to pacify myself by remaining alone thinking about the possible result.
I was feeling frustrated with my efforts to find out my masterpiece.It was appearing every where.I was desperate to see what I wanted to see and it manifested in a number of ways.It was becoming worse with each tick of the clock .I started seeking solace in painting thinking that I was creating my beloved masterpiece.I tried to sing and I tried my hands at music too but to create a master piece it takes many years and I was no superhuman so I met failures at every step.I realised my foolishness in expecting success in the very first effort.I was searching for a perfect example of masterpiece from which I must get inspiration to continue my persuit.The humans appeared quite fascinating to me,their physiology ,anatomy and their psychology too.May be the Humanity factor was lacking in those whoever I met.The women of course appeared to me as strong contender and were providing tough challenge to my persuit.They appeared masterpiece to me ...each one in a different way - behaviour, relations,sacrifices, and their affect and those too with beauty and those with incredible brains.
And those with the lethal combinations of both ,were marvellous too.But still I found something missing in them I didn't know what.Till now I had rejected many attributes like music,art ,women ,places,wealth etc and still I was nowhere near my Masterpiece.
I was confused between the materialistic masterpiece and the philosophical one or the practical one.After so much whirlpool in my brain My subconscious mind told me one day that
"creating a masterpiece for the present time is no big deal as each individual is unique.Whatever his natural qualities are with him just can't be compared to any one in a previously defined scale.
Masterpieces are ever changing in this fragile world and they are bound to change to give way to next generation and they are bound to be replaced by future generations.The deal is to be the master.The master who can create the masterpiece at his will and destroy at his will".
That capacity is out of question here.Well I don't want my masterpiece to get old ever,neither I want it to be replaced by any new.
Then my conscience told me 
"whatever you create in this virtual world,is doomed to go out of time,it is doomed to be replaced.Whatever you create inside yourself will never get out of you in this life and may be more lives to come.This is the real masterpiece you can create and it is never going to get old and never going to get replaced from you.That is the field where you have to bleed to get the scars carved out on you.These scars are the only thing that can tell your story to the world.And for getting the scars you have to bear pain.Some will like you and some will hate but you need to do the right thing, always and every time. 
This is the real masterpiece you can create in real and not just for appreciation from the people.Then you will get appreciation from their heart.And that appreciation wouldn't require words to express.You will just know that it exists in their true hearts.
-for you and your Masterpiece."

गिरता रुपया और उभरता करियर ............

मेरे मन को कल रात को कुछ बेचैनी मालुम हो रही थी पता नहीं क्यों नींद नहीं आ रही थी।मुझे लगा की कहीं मेरा मन भी इश्क -विश्क के भयानक रोग से ग्रसित तो नहीं हो गया।

पता किया तो बात कुछ और निकली और मेरे जान में जान आई।कुछ दिनों से मेरा महाज्ञानी मन अपना career change करने की सोच रहा है।अब रुपये का तो आप सभी जानते हैं कि वो किस गति से गिर रहा है।
अगर Newton आज मौजूद होता तो उसे भी gravitation के बारे में कुछ नया सोचना पड़ता।ये बात अलग है कि अगर वो यहाँ आ जाये तो उसके यहाँ पहुचने से पहले भौतिक विज्ञानं के छात्र उसे वापस यमलोक भेज देंगे।
मैंने ऐसा इसलिए सोचा क्यूंकि अब रुपये के गिरने का सिलसिला तो चल रहा है और आदमी तो उसके पीछे भागता है मसलन उसका भी गिरना लगभग निश्चित है। तो मैं सोच रहा था कि ऐसे अस्पताल का टेंडर भर ही दिया जाए।डॉक्टरों का जुगाड़ तो हो ही जायेगा। अपने बचपन के दोस्त अमेरिका में डॉक्टर हैं, वहीँ से किराए पर ले आऊंगा। local लेवल पर दिक्कत हो रही है। यहाँ तो गिने चुने ही रह गए हैं और वो भी जाने का सोच रहे हैं मजबूरी में। सरकार ने उनपर आने जाने का ban लगा दिया है।सोच रहा हूँ की इलाज का खर्च भी डॉलर में ही लूं। वो तो गिरता है नहीं तो कम से कम अपनी हड्डी पसली सही सलामत रहेगी और वैसे भी यहाँ तो पहले ही डॉक्टरों की हड्डी पसली एक हो चुकी है।और यहाँ के नेता लोग की बीमारियों के स्पेशलिस्ट भी वही पाए जाते हैं -अमेरिका में।तो वहां से अपने मित्रगण आ जायेंगे तो लोकल लेवल का जो बढ़ता हुआ डिमांड है, वो भी पूरा हो जायेगा और गाँव देहात के लीडरो के भी घुटने और दिल बदलना आसान रहेगा।…सोचता हूँ 50% डिस्काउंट रख दूं।

फिर याद आया कि डॉलर की कीमत तो तेल पर depend करती है। और वैसे भी अपने देश में तेल की खपत तो बढती ही है। अब गाडी मोटर के अलावा तेल के उपयोग कई तरह के कामों में लाया जाता है। हमारे आला अधिकारी और अफसर के हाथ पैर जकड जाते है। काम करते हुए तो काफी दिन बीत जाते हैं तो उनसे काम निकालना आसान नहीं होता तो ऐसे जंग लगे कलपुर्जों का ध्यान भी तो रखना पड़ता है।मतलब की सिचुएशन की गंभीरता को समझते हुए मेरा फैसला सही लगता है।
सोचता हूँ कि अरब चला जाऊं वहां किसी शेख से दोस्ती हो जाये तो बस मज़ा आ जाये। फिर कुछ एक दर्जन तेल के कुँए उससे मांग लूँगा तो लाइफ सेटल हो जाएगी और फिर रिश्तेदारों को भी employment मिल जाएगी। साथ ही घर आने जाने का पेट्रोल डीजल का खर्च का कोई टेंशन नहीं रहेगा । शेख की दोस्ती के तो अलग फायदे है ही बस उससे मेरी दोस्ती हो जाये। अब मैं कोई filmstar तो हूँ नहीं कि वो दोस्त बन जाये।तो ये प्लान भी फेल ही समझो।

बड़ी ही मुश्किल हुई। तेल का मसला तो हल नहीं हुआ।चलो इस ख़याल से फुट लो। इसपर दाल नहीं गलने वाली।

hmm .....Actress अगर किसी तरह बन जाऊं तो दोस्ती हो सकती है। फिर क्या ...फिर तो तो ऐश ही ऐश है।अब ये तो जग ज़ाहिर है की फिल्म हिट हो या फ्लॉप उनकी रेट कम नहीं रहती और फिर किसी काम के लिए 2 -3 करोड़ तो उनकी आम फीस है। और ऊपर से दीवानों की फ़ौज का तो क्या कहना ।
पर ये मामला भी ज़रा सा टेढ़ा लगता है क्युकि अब एक एक्ट्रेस का एसेट्स पाने के लिए कम से कम कुबेर के खजाने का थोडा सा भाग तो मॉडर्न ज़माने के शुश्रुतों और अश्विनी कुमारों को दान करना ही पड़ेगा।वो तो मेरे पास है नहीं।
अगर रहता तो ये ख़याल ही क्यों आता।वैसे भी आजकल actresses की shelf life कम ही रहती है- ज्यादा से ज्यादा 5 साल बस।तो long term के लिए ये निवेश कम ही fruitful लगता है।
एक्टर बनना ज्यादा हितकर जान पड़ता है क्युकि उनकी shelf life का तो क्या कहें बस चलती जाये . . .चलती जाये ।
लेकिन उसमें भी काफी मेहनत करना पड़ता है,चेहरा तो फिर भी managable है पर बॉडी शोडी भी चाहिये ही।बिना उसके तो आजकल हीरो क्या, विलन तक को रोल नहीं मिलता।
तब इतनी मेहनत करने और खाने पीने की औकात रहती तो क्या ज़रूरत थी एक्टर बनने की ।ऊपर से क्या पता क्या क्या करना पड़े रोल पाने को। किस मिनिस्टर के बिटिया की शादी में नाचना पड़ जाए और कहीं भाई लोगों का पंगा पड़ गया तो मेरी तो कम्पलीट holiday हो जाएगी ...cofee with karan के बदले यमराज विथ fun .....न बाबा न ।आग लगे इस प्लान को।

तो ये प्लान भी discard ही करना पड़ेगा।
हाँ ,पर याद आया की आज कल elections का सीजन भी चल रहा है। हर तरफ कोई राजनेता दहाड़ रहे हैं।मुझे लगता है कि पुरे भारत में ये ही ऐसा मौसम है जब इंसान दहाड़ते है 
पता नहीं ये डिस्कवरी वालों को क्या हुआ, अभी तक इसका राज़ क्यों समझ नहीं आया। अभी तक तो बीसियों प्रोग्राम बन जाने चाहिए थे।
मैं सोच रहा हूँ की मैं भी हाथ आजमा लूं। क्या पता मेरी भी किस्मत खुल जाये।अगर विधायक बन गया तब तो 10-20 साल का तो खर्चा- पानी निकल ही आएगा और अगर मंत्री बन गया तब तो कोई न कोई खदान अपने हाथ लगा ही लुंगा और तब तो कोई टेंशन नहीं रहेगी।
पर ये बात मेरे नामुराद मन को मंज़ूर न हुई।
मेरे अंतर्मन ने फिर टांग अड़ा दिया और बीच में ही कूद पड़ा।
कहने लगा की आज कल politics बिलकुल ही सेफ नहीं है। पोलिटिकल मर्डर्स होना तो आम बात है और किसी सरफिरे भाई की हट गई तो तुझे ही हटा देगा .....दुनिया से।
और अगर इन सब से बचते-बचाते कहीं मंत्री बन गए तब किसी न किसी दिन तुमको भी सीबीआई अपने जाल में फसा ही लेगी। और अगर गलती से भी अगले चुनाव में हार गए तब तो तुम्हे सडको पर आना ही होगा।
मैंने सोचा की इस प्यारे छोटू की बात भी सही जान पड़ती है। क्या ठिकाना, कही सही में नेता बन कर पुष्पों के हार पहनने की चाहत में मेरे ही तस्वीर पर न हार चढ़ जाये।और ऊपर से हर महीने का चढ़ावा डॉन, भाई को भेजना पड़ेगा उसका अलग टेंशन और नेक्स्ट चुनाव में ससुरा पूरा फीस गटक लेगा। और कभी विरोधी कीचड फेकने लगे तो तुमको भी गटर में उतार कर ही दम लेंगे।
तो ये लो एक और शानदार आईडिया शहीद हो गया।

अब क्या करें।इस बेचारे मन को कुछ नयी तरकीब नहीं सूझ रही थी तभी उसे याद आये मशहूर मुन्ना भाई।क्या बात है भाई बनने में बहुत ही अच्छा स्कोप है और फ्यूचर भी अच्छा है देखा है न अपने दाऊद भाई को ...यार क्या लगता है एकदम हीरो जैसा।और क्या ऐश-ओ-आराम है उसके। किसी president की सेक्यूरिटी से कम नहीं है बन्दे की सेक्युरिटी।सारे काम फोन से। किसे टपकाना है , हफ्ता वसूलना है और किसे धमकी भेजनी है -सबका डाटा बेस तैयार रहता है।
बस एक इशारा और सामने दस-बीस खोखा आ जाता है। और फिर प्रेजिडेंट साहब की दोस्ती का तोहफा अलग।साथ में जनरल साहब की दोस्ती भी चाय-पान के लिए ऑफर में डिस्काउंट के साथ।
पर जब ओसामा की याद आई तब ये सब प्लान की भी वाट लग गयी …उस नामुराद को पता नहीं कही से अमेरिकन्स ढूंड लिया ।
बेचारे को चैन की नींद भी नसीब न हुई।रात में ही बेचारे को चलता कर दिया ।
मुझे लगा कि इन सालो का भी कोई भरोसा नहीं,कब मुझे नम्बर 1 आतंकवादी घोषित कर देंगे और फिर मुझे भी कही उसकी तरह समुन्दर में न फेक दें।
जनरल साहब तो उस टाइम हाथ मलते रह गए थे। मुझे क्या ख़ाक बचा लेंगे।
और इधर की पुलिस की कहीं दोस्ती हो गई तो मुझे तो ये कही का नहीं छोड़ेंगे।
तब मुझे मजबूरन तोरा बोरा की पहाड़ियों पर पनाह लेनी पड़ेगी। पता नहीं वो भी सुरक्षित रहेगी कि नहीं ,ड्रोन तो वह ऐसे बम गिराते हैं जैसे ओले पड़ते हों।
खैर भाईगिरी का भूत भी उतर गया इन खयालो के आते ही।
अब सोचता हूँ की किसी ज्योतिषी बाबा के पास जाऊं वहीँ निकालेंगे मेरे career की मुश्किलों का हल।
बाबा से याद आया कि ये भी आज कल टॉप प्रोफेशन चल रहा है।कोई इन्वेस्टमेंट ख़ास नहीं है बस जरा सा गेट अप करना पड़ेगा और भाड़े के एक दो दर्जन शिष्य से काम हो जायेगा।पार्ट टाइम वालों से काम चला लूँगा।और क्या बस मामला सेट हो जाये तो पहले प्रवचन और फिर प्रवचन स्थल पर ही कब्ज़ा कर आश्रम।और फिर क्या फिर मेम्बरशिप और दान दक्षिणा अलग से।without इन्वेस्टमेंट झट से कमाइ ....फायदा ही फायदा है ।और फिर उसके फ्रैंचाइज़ी जगह जगह । और फिर क्या किसी कॉर्पोरेट घराने से कम का टर्नओवर थोड़े ही होगा और फिर शेयर बाज़ार का चक्कर भी नहीं ।
फिर स्वामी XYZआनंद चैरिटेबल,स्कूल,हॉस्पिटल कॉलेज और न जाने क्या क्या।
पब्लिक फोल्लोविंग भी खूब मिलेगी।फिर क्या फेसबुक ,क्या ट्विटर और क्या youtube ...हर जगह बाबा की जय . ज़रा सा रिस्क तो है इसमें भी है लेकिन वो managable है।अब कुछ बाबा जो इन सब सावधानियों का ध्यान नहीं रखते उनका तो ये तमाशा होना ही है अभी तो एक तमाशा देख रहे हैं चल रहा टी वी पर ।लेकिन जो अपने बेसिक principles पर कायम रहते हैं उनको लुटिया कभी नहीं डूबती। ज्यादा नहीं दो ही तीन principles हैं -
पहला -अपनी पब्लिक और प्राइवेट लाइफ को प्रोफेशन से दूर रखिये. 
दूसरी कि अपने काम से ही मतलब रखिये और
तीसरी और सबसे महत्वपूर्ण बात की जरा फुलझड़ीयों से दूरी बनाये रखिये वरना खुद को जला लीजियेगा जैसा हमारे एक बंधू ने अभी- अभी जला लिया है।
अब उम्र हो गयी बाबा ।अब इन सब चीज़ों की मोह-माया त्यागिये। 

इतने से प्रवचन देने के बाद मेरे महा ज्ञानी मन ने अपनी निद्रा को ग्रहण करने का निर्णय कर लिया है तो अब आप सब की अनुमति चाहता हूँ।

-धन्यवाद

Never feel guilty unless you are one......

I wanted to write this since a very long time.I couldn't tell why did I postpone it till now.May be I was doing the same thing which I am going to deglorify this time.
We must have seen many people who are pretty much worried about their past.They have a sustained thinking of their past actions and speculate about the effects they have caused even if none was bothered.This kind of views about oneself and considering yourself a culprit or criminal only because a few narcissistic individuals don't like you,is quite self destructive.I strongly opine not to treat yourself like crap.If you have done absolutely nothing wrong then there is no need to apologise to anybody.
I have heard some where
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

These unhappy group of people always exist in the prevailing society and their main objetive will always be to complain about your action.If you dont believe me then you can test this hypothesis at your own risk.You can start it at your own place.
I gave this experiment a chance and I got the expected result which I projected.once in my neighbourhood street , an old piece of furniture was lying in the corner of the street.An old man always complained about it that it looks quite ugly in our beautiful colony.I took that seriously and got it removed a week later.Do you know what that old man said after this.He said "You know,that old furniture didn't looked too bad.It was good .Children played on it it looked quite nice may be we should put it back."
Later I came to know that he used that old furniture for his dog daily morning pee and potty place.And his dog is now having difficulty to adjust in the new place.
This is the truth.Not only that event,I have seen many other people who respond in the same way.
The prime matter is that one should have firm belief in themselves and if they think it is morally and socially good, they shouldn't feel guilty about their actions.Even a criminal have complains about a policeman who arrested him.
Those "dhukhi aatmas" were always that way, so never bother about them.
Similarly,I think that the WRITERBABU is a place to express yourself you can write as much as you can even if you have scored ton,double ton or even triple,without thinking about the polls ,comments and likes.Some things in life are bound to move forward whether you like it or not.Just like age ,experience and maturity which are bound to get better with time.I don't get many polls on my writeups but still I write without bothering about the polls ,comments and likes.If they say it is good....I feel good and if they criticise it then too I should feel better because somebody is taking you seriously.
That is the whole idea here .We are evolving writers and this platform gives us the opportunity to dive in our passion,explore the depths and touch the limit of your imagination and challenge the limit itself without any remorse before this life slips away gradually.
I read once-
“I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.”

So we must enjoy our passions and having firm belief in ourselves we should do whatever we think is right and good for the society and the mankind as a whole.

P.S.-And Never feel guilty unless you are one...............

The taste of failure..............

The taste of failure is unique.Once you have tasted the failure,that very moment your all senses of taste will change to the emoticon of :/.
The taste sensation is going to persist for some time.The duration of which depend on the prevailing environment.
If you are in the company of some "Chaddi" type of friends then their response is never going to change.They will party whatever is the cause - success or failure..."jaise ki saari duniya hi khatm ho gayi.chal be isko taang aur highway waale dhaabe par le chal,bada aaya...fail ho gaye.jaise ki humesha first aata tha.Talli kar isko"and the party starts.otherwise when alone, there is no one to pick you up from the place you lying "talli" alone.

But in many cases the altered taste persists for some time reminds of the constant insight of the mind"what a loser you are".
There is a positive thing in the failure too.The failure is the only substance that creates the quest and desire for the success.The desire to be the invincible.A person who have never tasted the awful taste of failure can never tell the awesome nature of the success.That creates the driving force to push the paddles harder and zooom past the obstacle.

Today I hit the ground in my very first flight of this phase of my professional life.
Yes,I fell from the height.
The height of my imaginations.
The height of my unworthy expectations.
May be I didn't deserve to be at that height yet and I feel , to reach at that height one has to crawl over several obstacles and the cuts and bruises are bound to touch your flesh and soul.But the necessity is to overcome the fear from the height.One can fly higher when he has overcome the fear for height.You might have seen the eagle flying peacefully at the top of the sky but to reach that height it has to flap its wings harder in the beginning. It is rightly said-

“Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.”
― Milan Kundera

I dont know whether all the glory of failure applies to me or not but I have heard somewhere that
“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”
May be I should have struck the ground harder so as to rise higher.
Whatever the glory is talked about the failures by the people but it really tastes awful and i dont think that it is going away any sooner.I hope it remains with me till I succeed and I am going to live with it every moment of this bad taste till then.

Remember me after I am gone

Remember me after I'm gone
I just want to be in your heart
Deep inside you,deep to the core
Because very far I'm going alone

Forgive me for my deeds
Never let that trust be gone
Ensure you will continue again
Promise my dreams will be won
Remember me after I'm gone

I was crying when I was born
I had to live many lives that way
Now I don't want it to carry on
Don't you mourn after I'm gone
Just remember me after I'm gone

                                                            -

motivator mind......

If I am to do some thing creative I must change myself.There is a long list of thing that should be changed in me .But when think of myself I find that those lists are my identity and if I changed that I will no longer be me and then there will be no difference between me and a robot.....{"It is when i want to open my eyes but the eyelids appear to be tied with weight of 1 tonne ..any way i get my ear to motivator mind."}...........................I can do many of things creative just I have to rediscover myself,find an unfathomed depth of sincerity.I must abandon those worldly deceptions trying to drag me out of my way..........{"Ten when i pull over my quilt,a cool breeze touching my body pull me back into my quilt.i tried hard but in vain.Ok continue Mr motivator,I'm listening"}............I have to get out of the bonds of judgements ,the thinking of other people.I have to kick away the negativities.I must keep away the other temptations arising inside me.There should be a new approach towards life.In my opinion, whatever one wants to achieve should aspire to get that opportunity.Because I know once I get the opportunity ,I am destined to to work wonders.Then with the devotion, the courage to fight against the odds I think not only me any one in the world can achieve the world.But to work wonders you have to work hard............................{"To work hard I need rest,so thats what i'm doin why so much hue and cry? ya ya i know you'll watch my work but I have just jumbled the order of rest and work thats it. ...honestly."
The originality is that quality that distinguishes me from others.And if I merge my Originality with some desirable qualities then it will be a superb combination.................Just I still have to find that moment and while waiting for it I believe in preparing myself.While waiting I am hoping for the Best but without compromising my preparations against the worst.And That too without changing your originality................{"Here you are... i got it..not to change....thats what I am trying to do but you are not letting me do it.Spoiled my half an hour sleep...huh"}
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.P.s.-These are some excerpts of my mind when i wake up late in the morning and my eyes are drowsy.Then My Motivator mind does this to me...........Occaisonally my motivator mind is victorious but most of the time it fells prey to the drowsy half.................he he he.may be next time it will kick out the drowsy half.

The scars of the soul........

The Wound caused by physical injury can heal easily.Body has got a unique ability given byThe Almighty.The wounds get healed and only a scar remains to tell vague stories of the past.
But when wound is inflicted on the soul,years and whole life passes by but there is no relief from pain .Individual bleeds from the soul.The scars resulting from it are as painful as the fresh wounds itself.Healing never occurs how much you try.NO medicines ,No injection are helpful.........not even morphine.
Wounded by my loved one,I am feeling that pain and the wound is so deep that it can never heal till my death.The moment I get near those memories ,those scars of the soul start bleeding.I think the wounds inflicted by dear ones are more painful .Whatever I try to Forget ,they haunt me more and more.These trials are fruitless and i feel that I am going more and more into it,as if I am trapped in a swamp and the more I try to get out ,the more I sink.I talk to myself when I am with me.I try to search the fault.I try to give way to new emotions,I try to find Solace in world but then I find nothing just same scar bleeding my soul to death.They come out of my eyes as tears .I don't let anyone know about it, just make an excuse of dust in the eye or I tell them that I had a bad dream.I don't let them know that this was a bad dream of my life which I have seen with my wakeful eyes, getting hurt deadly in front of my beloved and injured by him.Me just remaining there ,not saying a word thinking it might hurt him too.So I kept mum and he kept deepening the wound in my soul until I lost hope in love.I lost the hope of being happy again.I lost him.I found loneliness ,my dearest friend now.I got into a relationship with lonelines and a masochistic relationship with the scar itself.As I said ,the scar had always been painful but I still love this scar on my soul at least I can spend some time to be with my beloved even after he is away from me.Then I find a paper as my soul mate and pour all my feelings ,all my emotions and desires and there is no complain from its side.I enjoy her company but you see, even in her company I am thinking of the scar of my soul and the one who gave me that.